I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
