remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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