By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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