she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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