Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
