Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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