my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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