he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
