We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
