how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
