Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Randomize
