Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
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