I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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