the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
