Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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