You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
