Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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