I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Ladies don't puke and tell
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize