your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i love accidental penises.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
