Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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