If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
