I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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