I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
