"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
