I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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