saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
