I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Randomize
