Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
