Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
so much tequila, so little girl.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
