Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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