Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
