Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
