Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
