WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
