Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
