Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
