We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
