i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
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A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
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I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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