can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
