the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
