a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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