When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
