Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
