She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
