By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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