Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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