I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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