Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
