i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
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You did not just play the dead husband card again.
organizing the empties. That sober.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
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I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize