In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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