Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
