Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
