I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
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I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
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Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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