I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
