need another drink. this is the easiest way
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize