Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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