Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
