And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
