Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
